This is the first book in a series of 12 that was written by my father, written in September of 2000. Even though my father is now with the Lord, through all of his writings, I can still hear his voice every day. I hope that his writings are an encouragement to you as well. All that is written below are his words.
In loving memory of my father
Robert Louis (Bob) Padgett
July 28, 1931-May 22, 2023
Acknowledgments
Robert Louis (Bob) Padgett
July 28, 1931-May 22, 2023
We are deeply indebted to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for allowing us to experience, after many long years, a small sampling of what love between a husband and wife should be. My wife and I had a "bad" marriage for nine years before being apprehended by the Lord. What made the marriage "bad" was primarily selfishness and a total lack of understanding of how a man should love his wife. However, these two attributes (selfishness and a lack of understanding of how a man should love his wife) do NOT automatically disappear when a man is apprehended by the Lord. The book of 1 Corinthians as well as our own personal experience attests to this. Please see Appendix 1 for my personal testimony in this particular area. My wife and I BOTH will be the first to acknowledge that until a few years ago, I would have been the LEAST likely person to write a book on this topic and the LEAST likely man to experience the love of a man for his wife as Christ loved the church.
27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:29 That no flesh should glory in His presence. 1 Corinthians 1:27-29
I would also like to acknowledge my wife, Linda, who "put up with me" during our "difficult" years and who has interceded for me for many long years. Linda also edited this book and gave me her valuable comments for improvement.
We make no claim that this word is exhaustive in nature. Who can understand the love of God? The love of God is a grace that we can only appreciate and seek to appropriate in our lives. We are also aware that some believers may not agree with parts of this book. A major key in Christianity is that each believer should be fully persuaded in his/her own mind.
1 Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.2 For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs.3 Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him.5 One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. Romans 14:1-3, 5
This word simply represents that which we have received from the Lord as of this point in time. Our sincere desire is that this word will be a blessing to all who read it. We would hope that this word would be of particular value to those couples who are contemplating marriage. But we pray that this may also spark a new beginning in the lives of those couples who have been married for a rather lengthy period of time. We all learn some things through experience. Hopefully, we people can also learn through the experiences of others.
All verses quoted herein are taken from the Authorized or King James' version, except as specifically noted at the appropriate places.
Permission is freely given to anyone to copy all or parts of this book and to distribute this word in any way that you desire to whomever you desire, PROVIDED that you do so without any monetary remuneration. The word of God is free (or at least should be). "Freely you have received, freely give" (Matthew 10:8).
The Unfolding: Volume 1
This book represents the first in a series of books centered around the unfolding of the word of God and the revelation or manifestation or unfolding of His great grace and glory.
The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29He revealeth the deep and secret things ... Daniel 2:22For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Luke 12:2
Many years ago, the Lord gave me an analogy of a frog, which slides out its tongue to gather insects to eat, and then slides its tongue back in. Although this is not a very elegant analogy, it is somewhat like the way God has been and is working. He has revealed more of Himself and His word over the years. But there is coming a time when God is going to roll everything back up into Himself. Another possible analogy is that of unrolling a scroll so as to read what is written thereon and then rolling the scroll back up. That was the inspiration for the cover of this book and for those volumes in the series yet to come.
And all the host of heaven shall be dissolved, and the heavens shall be rolled together as a scroll ... Isaiah 34:4And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. Revelation 6:14God's purpose is to manifest His glory. Everything is designed to show forth the glory of God.And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. Isaiah 40:5
Some verses that clearly show that God has chosen to reveal more of Himself and His word over a period of time are:
Who [Christ] verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you. 1 Peter 1:20But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; Romans 3:21The Holy Ghost this signifying, that the way into the holiest of all was not yet made manifest, while as the first tabernacle was yet standing. Hebrews 9:8Which in other ages was not made known unto the sons of men, as it is now revealed unto His holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit; Ephesians 3:5
God's revelation, by His Spirit, is not simply TO us, but WITHIN us. The Word of God must become flesh.
15 But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by His grace16 To reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the heathen ...Galatians 1:15-1626 Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to His saints:27 To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Colossians 1:26-27
There is still more that God intends to reveal of His glory, as attested by the following scriptures.
Father, glorify Thy Name. Then came there a voice from heaven, saying, I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again. John 12:28For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. Romans 8:19
But there will come a time when God folds everything back up. Many believers sense that folding up is near at hand.
And as a vesture shalt Thou fold them up, and they shall be changed ...
Hebrews 1:12
And when all things shall be subdued unto Him, then shall the Son also Himself be subject unto Him that put all things under Him, that God may be all in all.1 Corinthians 15:28
"For our God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12:29), and everything shall be consumed by the fire of His Spirit, that God may be all in all.
Foreword
This first book of unfolding focuses on relationships ... specifically the relationship of a man and his wife, from a Christian perspective. Our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is CRITICAL! After that, the relationship of a man and his wife is the next most vital relationship we can have.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
The above verse, written by the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, is an unconditional statement ... many would say a commandment. So husbands are to love their wives if their wives are nagging, mean-spirited, or even caught up in some sort of sin. Although we have no statistics and no sampling surveys to substantiate this, we believe, rather strongly, that most men do not know how to love their wives. This is particularly true for those who are without Christ in their lives, but, unfortunately, is also true for far too many Christians. One reason for this belief is that the divorce rate for Christians is now reported as 46 per cent (or even higher), which is not much less than the divorce rate for non-believers. Divorce today seems to be looked upon as just a routine matter. If someone isn't being satisfied in their marriage, adultery, usually followed by divorce, is looked upon as being a very normal way "out."
15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith He, shall be one flesh.17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:15-17
Monogamy for a lifetime was and is God's original plan. The Lord Jesus emphasized this principle in Matthew 19:3-9. We believe very strongly that the major reason the divorce rate is so high is because of selfishness on the part of one or both spouses.
Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am married unto you ...
Jeremiah 3:14
The Lord says that He is married to us. Before any man chooses to divorce his wife, he should ask himself, "what if the Lord decides to divorce ME?"
The Lord said to Hosea,
Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord. Hosea 1:2
This verse in Hosea reflects the great love of God for His people, despite their failures. The verse also reflects the same type of love a man should have for his wife.
This book represents an analogy between Christ and the church as compared to a husband and his wife. The first chapter deals with the word "love" and some of its many meanings. Chapter 2 discusses the "agape" love of God for the world and the love of Christ for the church. Chapter 3 then compares the love of Christ for the church with the love of a man for his wife. Chapter 4 presents some practical guidelines for the beautiful relationship that God intends between husband and wife. We base our guidelines on the promptings of the Holy Spirit, the written word of God, and our own personal experience of more than 41 years of marriage. Chapter 5 describes the implementation of this word ... and how simple it is for husbands to love their wives even as Christ loved the church. There is a simplicity that is in Christ! (2 Corinthians 11:3) Chapter 6 then describes some effects of this implementation. The last chapter presents some final thoughts concerning the love of a man for his wife.
Chapter 1: What is Love?
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:8
The first epistle of John twice states that God is love. But God is infinitely greater than any one word that we could ever ascribe to Him. Love is also the pre-eminent grace of God.
But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.1 Corinthians 13:13 (New American Standard translation)
Under the old covenant, the law reigned. Thou shalt do this ... thou shalt not do that. But under the new covenant, love reigns. One of the Pharisees asked Jesus what was the greatest commandment in the law.
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.38 This is the first and great commandment.39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:37-40Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8
Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
Romans 13:10
Of course, it is IMPOSSIBLE for any one to fulfill those two, or any other, commandments with their own natural energy or by their own natural efforts. Only Christ in you, the hope of glory, can love God and love your neighbor with the love of God.
Cruden's unabridged concordance states that love signifies five different realities, each one of which we will refer to in the following pages:
(1) a natural passion, inclining us to delight in an object, e.g.,
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. Genesis 29:20
(2) a gracious principle or habit wrought in the soul by God, which inclines us to delight in, esteem, and earnestly desire to enjoy an interest in God's favor, and communion with Him as our chief good, portion, and happiness, and the fountain of all perfection and excellency; and which likewise disposes us to do good to all, especially to such as resemble God in holiness, and bear His image, e.g.,
We love Him, because He first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 1 John 4:19, 20
(3) the effect of love, e.g.,
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13
(4) the person beloved, e.g.,
2 As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters....7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please. Song of Solomon 2:2, 7
(5) true friendship or kindness, e.g.,
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.Proverbs 15:17
Cruden's unabridged concordance also describes or categorizes love as: (1) natural, (2) conjugal, (3) parental and filial, (4) spiritual, (5) carnal, or (6) wicked. We will touch on only the natural, conjugal, and spiritual dimensions of love in this word.
Natural love
Natural love can be lawful, e.g.,
What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good?
Psalm 34:12
Natural love can also be unlawful, e.g.,
He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. John 12:25
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,3 Without natural affection, truce-breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,4 Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.
2 Timothy 3:2-4
Conjugal love
The word "conjugal" comes from a French word which means "to join, or unite in marriage." Webster's dictionary defines "conjugal" as "of or relating to the married state, or to married persons and their relations." Conjugal love can be (as stated in Cruden's concordance) Divine, human, or idolatrous:
(1) Divine love is God's love to his people, which is discussed in great detail in Chapter 2.
(2) Human love can be exemplified by that between husband and wife lawfully joined in wedlock, e.g.,
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her Genesis 24:67Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
(3) Idolatrous love is that love which idolaters have for idols and strange gods, e.g.,
Withhold thy foot from being unshod, and thy throat from thirst: but thou saidst, There is no hope: no; for I have loved strangers, and after them will I go.
Jeremiah 2:25And they shall spread them before the sun, and the moon, and all the host of heaven, whom they have loved, and whom they have served, and after whom they have walked, and whom they have sought, and whom they have worshipped: they shall not be gathered, nor be buried; they shall be for dung upon the face of the earth. Jeremiah 8:2
Spiritual love
Spiritual love can be (as stated in Cruden's concordance):
(1) the love of God towards His children,(2) their love to God,(3) the love of Christ to His church,(4) the love of believers towards Christ,(5) to some particular persons, or
(6) to one another.
We will refer to the first four examples of spiritual love in Chapter 2.
In the Old Testament, although at least ten different words are translated "love," the word 'ahav (or 'ahab) is by far the most commonly used word for love. 'Ahav means to have affection for (sexually or otherwise). The Hebrew Greek Key Study Bible, printed in 1991 by AMG Publishers, in their lexical aids to the Old Testament, states that 'ahav means "to love, desire, delight, like, be fond of, covet, be beloved, amiable, be a passionate lover or paramour. It implies an ardent and vehement inclination of the mind and a tenderness of affection at the same time. 'Ahav has the extensive sense of the English word 'love.' ... Rarely does 'ahav refer to lovemaking ..." but " 'ahav can reflect sexual love within God's laws of marriage, ... illicit eroticism, ... and pure lust. ... Above all else, we are instructed to 'ahav (love) God more than anything or anyone else (Deuteronomy 6:5). ... 'Ahav is also often used to describe the unspeakable love and tender mercies of God in a covenant relationship with His people."
In the New Testament, the two major words which are translated with the English word "love" are agapao and phileo.
(1) agapao: to love, in a social or moral sense, affection, benevolence
(2) phileo: to be a friend to, have affection for
Agape love, agapao, is by far the most commonly used word for love in the New Testament. Strong's Concordance says that agapao is chiefly of the heart and phileo of the head, especially to kiss, as a mark of tenderness. Agapao indicates a direction of the will and finding one's joy in something. The Septuagint always uses agapao instead of phileo when God's love is mentioned. Agapao is used of God's love toward man and vice versa. The use of phileo, which means having common interests with another, may or may not include a choice of the will.
Chapter 2: The Love of God and the Love of Christ
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1 John 2:15-16
The above two verses were written by the same man, the apostle John. On the surface, they appear to be contradictory. God so loved the world ... but we are told that we are to love NOT the world. Furthermore, in both cases (John 3:16 and 1 John 2:15-16) the Greek word for "world" is the same ... kosmos, which can mean the sum total of the material universe, the beauty in it; or the sum total of persons living in the world. The key to the apparent difference may be found in John 17.
6 I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.9 I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word. John 17:6, 9, 20
God so loved the world. No man will be able to stand before God and say, "you never gave me a chance." (See Romans 1:18-32 for scriptural evidence of this.) But God in His infinite wisdom and foreknowledge knew all those who would believe on His Son, Jesus Christ. And those were (are) the ones that God gave to His Son, Jesus. It is important to note that Jesus did NOT pray for the world (John 17:9).
God's love is sovereign, free and undeserved, everlasting, cannot be expressed, is inconceivable, immutable, boundless and infinite.
(1) The love of God is sovereign:
7 The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people;8 But because the Lord loved you, and because He would keep the oath which He had sworn unto your fathers, hath the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Deuteronomy 7:7,8
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
Psalms 37:23And we know that all things work together for good to those that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
(2) His love is free and undeserved:
I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely; Hosea 14:4
(3) His love is everlasting:
The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3
(4) An example of inexpressible love is:
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
(5) His love is inconceivable and cannot be understood with the natural mind:
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ephesians 3:19
(6) The love of God is immutable:
Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that His hour was come that He should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved His own which were in the world, He loved them unto the end. John 13:1
(7) God's love is boundless and infinite:
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16
A few scriptures that reveal the love of God towards His children and the love of Christ to His church are:
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
John 17:23And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:5But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour. Ephesians 5:2
A few scriptures that reflect the love of God's people towards God and Christ are:
I love the Lord, because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Psalms 116:1We love Him because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. Song of Solomon 1:4Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions? Song of Solomon 1:7So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. John 21:15
Chapter 3: The Love of Christ for the Church and
The Love of a Man for His Wife
As stated in Chapter 2, God so loved the world, but Christ loved those whom God gave unto Him ... the church. Jesus said, "no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father" (John 6:65). In like manner, God brings (gives) the perfect wife to a (Christian) man, just as God made Eve to be a help meet for Adam and brought her to him. Adam recognized that Eve was a gift from God.
And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:12
Therefore, a Christian man must love the wife that the Lord brings to him just as Christ loved the church. The one true church, which consists of all born again believers in Christ, was (is) a gift from the Father to the Son. A believer's wife is likewise a gift from God to the man. This is WHY God hates divorce. Divorce constitutes a rejection of a covenant and a REJECTION of the gift of God to a man.
14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Malachi 2:14-16
Another example of God bringing a wife to a man is found in Genesis Chapter 24. This is the account of how Rebekah was brought to be the wife of Isaac. A similar example is how the Lord brought Ruth to Boaz, in the book of Ruth. It is important to note that God does NOT bring the man to his wife. We are personally aware of quite a number of situations where a young Christian woman has believed, quite strongly, that a certain young man was to be her husband. Only the Lord knows if those impressions were correct. And certainly we, as concerned believers, are in no position to tell those young women that they did not hear from the Lord. In one case, there were not one but THREE young women who ALL told others, and at the same time period, that the SAME young man was to be their husband. Well, unless God is now in favor of bigamy, at least two of those three young women had to be wrong. In reality, NONE of the three married that young man. The Lord brought him a different woman to be his wife.
Now, is it possible for a man and a woman to get married when God did NOT bring the woman to the man? For non-believers, we think the answer is definitely "yes." We tend to think that the answer is "yes" even for a Christian. We understand that God is sovereign, but if a man and/or a woman are out of the will of God, rebellious, and/or purely self-seeking, then they COULD get married when it was NOT God's perfect will for them. This is a very delicate situation and one which requires much wisdom from the Lord as to how to counsel such a couple, particularly if the couple later decides they want a divorce. This book basically ignores such a potentially disastrous liaison, and assumes that a Christian man and a Christian woman are making a reasonable attempt in their lives to please the Lord.
The love of a man for his wife should include caring, communication, companionship, trust, faithfulness, commitment, functioning, provision, and protection. But more than anything else, that love should signify giving ... a giving of his self to his wife ... an attitude or motivation that reflects a total lack of selfishness on his part. All of these same ten qualities are characteristic of the love of Christ for the church.
4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.8 Love never fails; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New American Standard translation)
The above verses from 1 Corinthians 13, perhaps the most quoted scriptures about love, clearly reflect the selflessness of true agape love.
Caring
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
The husband should care for his wife in all areas: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Caring means being a good steward of the gifts which God has given to us. Caring means to look after, tend to, and cherish.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4
Webster's Dictionary says that care is painstaking or watchful attention; or regard coming from desire or esteem. Just as a good shepherd cares for his sheep, so likewise THE Good Shepherd, our Lord Jesus Christ cares for HIS sheep. In like manner, the husband must care for his wife.
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1
Another important aspect concerning caring is:
Wherefore He is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them. Hebrews 7:25
In like manner, a man should pray for and with his wife daily.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Peter 3:7And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. Genesis 25:21
There is no greater prayer force than a husband and wife who are both rightly related to the Lord and to each other.
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 18:19
Job understood this principle of intercession, SOMEWHAT!
4 And his sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.5 And it was so, when the days of their feasting were gone about, that Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually. Job 1:4-5
So Job interceded for his seven sons (and by implication in Job 1:18-19, his three daughters) EVERY day. But NOWHERE in the book of Job do we find that Job interceded for his wife!!! Could that possibly explain why Job's wife said,
Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God and die. Job 2:10
Could Job have been bitter against his wife at that point? We wonder how Job would have felt if, at that point, someone had quoted to him the essence of the verse,
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:19
We MUST note ... although Job interceded daily for his children, but apparently NOT for his wife, nevertheless all of his children were killed by a great wind from the wilderness (perhaps a tornado?) Moreover, Job lost everything EXCEPT his wife, the one person he had NOT prayed for. This speaks of the great grace and mercy and love of God, which far exceeds our understanding! For God had a plan for Job's wife. After the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends (Job 42:10), the Lord gave unto Job and his wife seven more sons and three more daughters. The sovereignty of God can and does, at times, override the failures of men! In addition, the Lord gave unto Job, after he repented and saw the ways of the Lord, a DOUBLE portion of everything, including children.
And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10
Job never "lost" his first seven sons and three daughters. They departed this physical earth at a relatively young age. But they simply were committed into the hands of the Lord and will live forever with the Lord, BECAUSE of the intercession of Job! Jesus said,
And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Matthew 10:28
Our enemy, Satan, was allowed by God to kill the bodies of Job's seven sons and three daughters. But only God is able to destroy BOTH soul and body. The accuser of the brethren can NEVER kill our soul. We don't know about you, but one day we expect to see the first seven sons and three daughters of Job with our Lord in eternity ... and all because Job was faithful to intercede for them.
There is at least one other reason why the Lord chose to keep Job's wife alive, even after she spoke some rather mean-spirited things to her husband. Today, we as believers sometimes remark that we don't understand why such a good man or woman who loves the Lord dies early in life while a mean man or woman lives to a ripe old age. It is the grace and mercy of God to allow the mean-spirited person more time to repent and come to accept the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26
It is also important that a man pray in the Spirit, using the unknown language (tongue) that the Lord has given to him. Many believers have seen some very dramatic events as a result of praying in tongues.
Not only should the husband care for his wife, he must also care for HIMSELF! This means that the husband should take good care of his natural, physical body as a good steward of the gifts of God.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
The man should be diligent to eat nutritious food (with sufficient amounts of fiber), get an appropriate amount of exercise (such as brisk walking for 30-40 minutes a day or periodic swimming), and get sufficient sleep. We have found from experience that drinking two glasses of water every day before breakfast does wonders for our natural bodies. We should also eat sweets in moderation. This helps to keep excess weight off in our older years. Of course the man should NOT partake of harmful substances, such as smoking, drugs, or excess consumption of alcoholic beverages. If the husband neglects his physical body, before long his wife will have to take care of HIM!
Communication
Communication between any two people is not a trivial matter. This is because we have different backgrounds, different experiences, and different understandings of what a word means. In addition, we are all biased in different ways, usually unknown to ourselves. Furthermore, our psychological motivations at a given point in time, particularly a time of great stress, may greatly affect the words that we hear. Many years ago I went into a nearby florist shop to pick up some flowers for my wife. A young woman, who had on a large neck brace, waited on me. Before I left I asked her if I could pray for her neck. She responded, "Oh no, I hope not!" Somewhat taken by surprise, I just nodded, turned around, and left the shop. Before I got 10 steps out of the shop, I said to myself, "something is wrong here," so I turned around and went back into the shop. I said to the young woman, "I think perhaps you misunderstood what I just asked you. I asked you if I could pray for your neck." She quickly responded, "Oh, I thought you asked me if I was going to need surgery on my neck." Then she quickly asked me to please pray for her neck, which I did. She had been so worried that she might need to have surgery on her neck that she could not hear anything I had said. There was no communication until I tried the second time. I do not know if that young woman was a Christian or not, but I have had similar experiences with people I KNEW were Christians!
But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. Hebrews 13:16Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed.
Proverbs 27:5 (New American Standard translation)
Charge them that are rich in this world ...That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; 1 Timothy 6:18
Lack of communication may be a major missing ingredient in the relationship between husband and wife. It is IMPERATIVE for a husband and wife to talk to each other openly and honestly. A husband needs to TELL his wife that he loves her! More importantly, a husband needs to SHOW his wife that he loves her.
Moreover, the husband, in his communication with his wife, should PRAISE his wife, NOT criticize her! Many have observed that in almost all of Paul's epistles, Paul starts with something positive to say to the church. This is particularly true of the first epistle to the Corinthians, which is primarily a letter of correction.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:2128 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31-28, 30
The husband should also be very careful with the language that he uses to communicate as well as the TONE of his voice, which always should be gentle and kind.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:2934 But I say unto you, Swear not at all ...37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay, for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:34, 37
Companionship
Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
Companionship is the fellowship which exists between companions, and certainly between husband and wife. It means that you are associates as well as friends and that you enjoy each other's company. It means that you just enjoy being with, talking with, and doing things together. A man and his wife should be best friends, just as we as believers should be a friend of God.
... Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. James 2:23
Trust
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Without trust, a marriage is doomed to failure. In March of 1999, my wife asked me if it would be agreeable with me if she went to visit an old girl friend of hers in Florida. She knew that I could not go because I had to work. I quickly gave her my blessing. She went and had a good time. She told me, after she returned from Florida, that one evening she had gone out to dinner with the boy friend of her girl friend ... alone. The girl friend had to work. That did not bother me for one second because over the years both my wife and I have come to trust each other ... unconditionally. But one word of caution here. It may take years to build up such a level of trust between a husband and his wife. It only takes ONE incident to completely destroy that trust.
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:10-11
Leave the fatherless children, I will preserve them alive; and let thy widows trust in me. Jeremiah 49:11
The above verse is added for completeness for those women who have never had, or who do not now have, a husband.
Faithfulness
Thy mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds. Psalm 36:522 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
To be faithful means to be full of faith. It means being loyal, conscientious, or firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty. When a man and his wife are married, they normally take a vow that they will keep themselves only unto their spouse as long as they both shall live. To break that vow by being unfaithful in the form of adultery or in any other way, is a very serious breach of promise, but one which seems to be taken very lightly in the world today.
4 When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for He hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.5 Better it is that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Ecclesiastes 5:4-5
When a man makes a vow to his bride, he is, in effect making a vow to God. He is acknowledging that God has brought his bride to him to be his wife. He is acknowledging that his wife is a gift from God to him.
Commitment
Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.
Psalm 37:5And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. 2 Timothy 2:2O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust ... 1 Timothy 6:20
Commitment is an agreement or pledge between two or more persons ... in our case between a husband and his wife. It is a free choice of will to be obligated or emotionally impelled to carry out an agreement. As far as God is concerned, marriage between a man and a woman is a life-time commitment, not to be entered into lightly, and even less to be broken lightly.
Functioning
A part of a man loving his wife must be reflected in the man functioning in the place where he has been called. This contributes greatly to the well-being of the wife. The function is both in the natural realm (such as providing a reasonable living by working at some job) and in the spiritual realm. However, separating the natural from the spiritual is not a simple task because God is interested in whatever we do. When God is pleased with the walk of a Christian man, then his wife and family will be greatly blessed by the Lord. So it is by the husband functioning in that place that God has called him that his wife will be blessed. On November 4, 1977, I wrote in my bible a word that I heard from the Lord: "It is the fear of man that hinders the body of Christ from functioning; but it is the fear of God that compels us to function."
Early (about 3:00 a.m.) one Sunday morning in June of 1976, the Lord woke me up and told me to go downstairs and start reading the "restoration" books in the Old Testament (Ezra, Nehemiah, Haggai, Daniel, Zechariah). No one else was awake in our house at the time. I sat on the sofa in our living room and began to read. When I read Ezra 6:14, I heard the most powerful word I have ever heard from the Lord.
And the elders of the Jews builded, and they prospered through the prophesying of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah the son of Iddo. Ezra 6:14
Now that verse probably meant very little to any of you who just read it. But when I read that verse, it was like I was hit with a sledgehammer. There was no audible voice, no emotion, no noise of any kind, no thunderbolts, no lightning, just an enormous word from the Lord. I heard three words from the Lord as I read that verse. The first was, "If you (me) want to see the body of Christ prosper, then you function in that place where I have called you." Well at that point in time I had been a "functioning" elder in a New Testament house church for about seven years. I have never seen anything like that particular house church, before or since. We had EVERY gift and EVERY ministry in operation. I personally saw a word of knowledge and a word of wisdom flow almost like water from a faucet when you turn it on. And at that point in time I had preached, taught, counseled, prophesied, and any thing else you can think of for at least seven years. So if anyone had lined up EVERY believer that I knew at that point in time and they ALL told me I was not functioning, I would NEVER have believed it. But when the Lord distinctly gave me that word in June of 1976, I KNEW it was from Him and I KNEW it was truth. Immediately after the Lord spoke that word to me, I felt NO condemnation, just conviction. The second word I heard from the Lord, shortly after the first, was that the Lord had given me the power to walk in the place that He had called me. The third word was I sensed the love of God. The house church of which we were a part was meeting at that point in time in a school about 7 blocks from where we lived (and still live). As I walked up to the elders' meeting that Sunday morning, I was VERY aware that each time my feet hit the sidewalk, they made a powerful sound. A few brothers told me that they saw a distinct change in my (outward) ministry after that word came to me.
BUT, I have learned over the years that my understanding of that most powerful word was somewhat flawed. I had interpreted the word in terms of my DOING things and SAYING things to fulfill the ministry and gifts that the Lord had given to me. In reality, and hindsight, that was only a PART of the picture, and perhaps not even the most important part. For in my zeal to minister to the body of Christ, I neglected a higher priority ... ministry to my wife and children. In addition, I was not too finely tuned to the FRUIT of the Spirit being formed within me. Let me make this VERY clear ...
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care for the church of God?) 1 Timothy 3:1
Moreover, at that point in time, in hindsight, I really had NO idea how to love my wife as Christ loved the church. It was just a verse that I could agree with in my mind, but which was not at all a word made flesh within me. I have also learned since that time that I lacked compassion in my life for other people. I am very thankful that within the past few years the Lord has given to me BOTH a very deep love for my wife (which I cannot begin to describe) AND a genuine compassion for those in need. So now I believe I can say, with reasonable accuracy, that what the Lord is after in terms of a man "functioning" in that place in which he has been called is to:
(1) love the Lord with all of your being,(2) earnestly seek for and allow the Holy Spirit to develop the fruit of the Spirit in your life,(3) love your wife as Christ loved the church,(4) minister to your wife and children, and(5) minister to the body of Christ (and to non-believers, as the Spirit leads) using whatever gifts and ministries the Lord has given to you.
Provision
The husband should provide for his wife in all areas: physical, emotional, and spiritual. When Abraham was prepared to offer up his only son Isaac, whom he loved, God sovereignly intervened. This is Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider.
And Abraham said, "My son, God will provide Himself a lamb for the burnt offering:" Genesis 22:8And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
Luke 15:31
As the verse in Luke 15:31 states, providing is a way of life, an attitude, a philosophy that whatever I am or have received from the Lord I want to freely share with my wife. "Pre-nuptial agreements" have no place in the life of a Christian husband and wife. Part of the love of a man for his wife includes his provision for her natural, material needs. The man should be diligent to provide financial support for the family, as the Lord opens up the appropriate doors. We see no problem with the use of credit cards, PROVIDED the man controls the credit card and the credit card does not control the man. In other words, we strongly suggest that if you use credit cards that you pay the full amount each statement without accruing the horrendous fees and interest that credit card companies charge. We MUST learn to live within our means!
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. 1 Timothy 5:8... if any would not work, neither should he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread ... Genesis 3:19He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster.
Proverbs 18:9
We believe that God ordained for the man to be the breadwinner in the family. This thought is developed more fully in another of our articles.
Protection
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Ephesians 5:22-23
In Ephesians 5:23, Paul says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." Now in my bible, neither "he" nor "saviour" is capitalized. Furthermore, I am quite sure that Paul KNEW that the Church at Ephesus knew that Jesus Christ is our Saviour. We are inclined to believe that Paul is drawing a further analogy between Christ and the church as compared to a husband and his wife. Now the husband is certainly NOT the spiritual saviour of his wife. That MUST be attributed to Jesus Christ, our sacrificial Lamb, through His shed blood, death, resurrection, and ascension. However we believe that there is a significance in this verse in Ephesians 5:23. The husband in a very real sense becomes a protector of his wife, not only in the natural realm, but also in the spiritual realm. The Greek word translated as "saviour" in Ephesians 5:23 comes from the root word sozo, which can also be interpreted as "protect, be or make whole." We also think that "as being heirs together of the grace of life" needs some serious thought and prayer as to exactly what the Spirit is saying. Does it mean "together" as in two totally separate people? We tend to think NOT! We certainly know that the unbelieving husband is sanctified (and cleansed) by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified (and cleansed) by the husband (1 Corinthians 7:14). Is that verse no longer true if BOTH husband and wife are genuine believers? We certainly also know that it is Christ who sanctifies and cleanses the church with the washing of water by the word (Ephesians 5:26), but is this also an extension of Paul's analogy in Ephesians 5:23-25 ???
14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. 1 Timothy 2:14-15
31 ... and they two shall be one flesh.32 This is a great mystery: ... Ephesians 5:31-32
There have been about 10 or 12 times in the past several years that I have experienced a sensation that is very difficult to describe. In each case, I very strongly sensed that I was enclosing my wife, somewhat like a cocoon. It was like I was surrounding her completely with my arms and thereby protecting her from any attacks of any possible enemy. There was also a feeling of warmth involved. The above verses, along with Ephesians 5:23, are the closest that I am aware of that substantiate these experiences.
In years past, we have seen many Christian couples who seem to go their own separate ways ... the man has a certain ministry and the wife has some other ministry ... they are like two entirely different people. Christ and His body are NOT two totally separate entities! Neither is a man and his wife! But we believe that there is a "great mystery" when a Christian man loves his wife as Christ loved the church.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
In 1 Peter 3:7, the Holy Spirit tells husbands to "give honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel." Well, as a generality, no one would argue that males are physically stronger than females in the natural realm. But surely this is not what Peter is talking about! Moreover, most believers agree that women are more sensitive to the spiritual realm. Women are also more emotionally inclined than men. Just as our physical body houses our soul and spirit, so, in like manner, is the relationship of a husband to his wife. The husband forms the outer part ... the wife forms the inner part. Eve was formed out of a rib taken from the inner part of man. So the husband must protect the soul and spirit of the "one flesh" formed by the marriage of man and woman. The husband protects his wife by his right relationship to the Lord, by seeking the Lord on behalf of husband and wife for all decisions of any importance. The man is usually the more visible of the two for outward ministry to the body of Christ. Peter speaks of the behavior of the wife as "the hidden man of the heart" (1 Peter 3:4). The wife must be VERY careful not to usurp the position that God has given to the husband, as Eve did. And if the husband does not love his wife as Christ loved the church, then the wife is vulnerable to attacks from the enemy in the realm of the spirit and soul. We wonder how solid the relationship between Adam and Eve really was, since Eve was the one deceived (1 Timothy 2:14).
This whole area of protection is somewhat of a mystery because there is so much in the spiritual realm, but this is an area that the Lord will reveal more completely if we seek Him.
Giving
For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35
The husband, above all else, must give of himself to his wife. The man must give to his wife everything that he is and has, such that the two become one.
We reiterate our firm belief that selfishness is the root cause of most divorces. This selfishness may manifest itself in many ways, but the ax must be laid to the root of the tree. As indicated in John 3:16, God gave not what man wanted, but what man needed as God perceived his need, namely His Son who brought forgiveness to man. God's love for man is His doing what He thinks is best for man and not what man desires. It is God's willful direction toward man. But for man to show love to God, he must first appropriate God's agape, for only God has such unselfish love.
Now let us take this necessity of giving one more step. The love of a man for his wife must be giving to the point of being sacrificial.
He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Romans 8:322 And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites.3 And He said, Of a truth I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast in more than they all;4 For all these have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had. Luke 21:2-4
Perhaps the prime example of sacrificial love for God on the part of any person (other than Jesus) was Abraham. In Genesis 22, Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his only son, Isaac (Genesis 22:16). As a result, God greatly blessed Abraham. But in like manner, we as Christian men should be willing, in our hearts, to lay down our life for our wife.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13
Chapter 4: The Love of a Man for His Wife: Some Practical Guidelines
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22
Some believers may not agree with parts of this chapter. We personally know of some Christians, for example, who believe that sexual relationships between husband and wife are limited to bearing children. We also know some Christian couples who sleep in twin beds (perhaps to help them enforce their beliefs as just stated). It is our belief, however, that Christians are NOT called to a life of poverty, lack of emotions, or a lack of "natural" enjoyment and pleasures.
In 1985, my wife and I had the best "vacation" we have ever had. It was a one-month trip to Scandinavia. The reason the trip was so good was because the Lord was in the trip all the way. He showed us many things on that trip. We stayed in a number of bed and breakfast houses and in a number of private homes. We NEVER saw a double bed (or larger). We only saw single beds. The Lord quickened to us that the people had lost whatever relationship they may have had to the Lord and had lost the joy of marriage. The two are related. We also saw an inordinate number of men who walked with a limp and an inordinate number of women who dressed, walked, and acted like men. The Lord strongly impressed upon us that this was because the men had abdicated their God-given relationship with their wives. The women, feeling starved for true love, consequently began to assume the role of the man in the family. None of these conditions would exist if we men loved our wives as Christ loved the church.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;26 That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33
The word "love" occurs three times in the above verses. Each time (in verses 25, 28, and 33) the Greek word is agapao.
There are at least three keys to the love between a man and his wife: enjoyment, moderation, and perspective.
Enjoyment or Pleasure
Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy.
1 Timothy 6:17Until the Lord hath given your brethren rest, as he hath given you, and they also have possessed the land which the Lord your God giveth them: then shall ye return unto the land of your possession and enjoy it, which Moses the Lord's servant gave you on this side Jordan toward the sunrising. Joshua 1:15Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:19They shall not build, and another inhabit; they shall not plant, and another eat: for as the days of a tree are the days of my people, and mine elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands. Isaiah 65:22Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favor my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the Lord be magnified, which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant. Psalm 35:27Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also? Genesis 18:12
Let us be very clear on this next point. We find NO place in scripture that says that it is evil or wrong or not Christ-like to enjoy pleasure, except as noted below. Consider the following verses:
Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
2 Timothy 3:4Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. Hebrews 11:25
What the scripture DOES say is that it is wrong to love pleasure more than the Lord Himself and it is also wrong to love the pleasures of sin. In other words, we must exercise moderation in all that we do when it comes to things that appear to be of the more natural realm (but which are still given by God).
Let us consider our "natural" senses. Who among us believes it is "wrong" to enjoy seeing a beautiful sunset, majestic mountains, or lovely flowers? God gave us our sight! God also gave us taste buds with which we can experience pleasure by eating good food. Is it "wrong" to enjoy eating food that is well-prepared? How about our sense of smell? Is it "wrong" to enjoy the sweet smell of flowers, perfume on our wife, newly-mown grass, or any of a myriad of other examples? What about the sense of hearing? Is it "wrong" to enjoy good Christian music? or good classical music, written by composers who knew the Lord? or a babbling mountain brook? Given all of these "natural" pleasures, freely given to us by God to "richly enjoy," does it really make sense that sexual relationships between husband and wife are unclean unless engaged in for the sole purpose of bearing children?
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
Song of Solomon 1:2
Paul said,
I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.
Romans 14:14
In addition, consider
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25
There was no shame before sin entered the world. It was only after Adam and Eve sinned that they became self-conscious of their naked bodies (Genesis 3:7,10,21). We believe that it is God's plan for intimate, sexual joys and pleasures to be fulfilled, but ONLY within the bonds of marriage, and there without shame.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled ... Hebrews 13:43 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Moderation
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Philippians 4:5
What DOES make sense is that we can abuse or overuse ANY of the God-given pleasures which He has so graciously given to us. Eating good food and enjoying it is fine. OVER-eating is not fine. It will usually give us a stomach ache ... a gentle reminder from the Lord to use moderation. A little salt and a little pepper is good. Too much of either may make the food unpalatable! Looking at beautiful scenery, listening to inspiring music, or smelling sweet aromas is fine. But we don't do that ALL day long and thereby neglect our responsibilities! Likewise, sexual relationships were designed by God Himself to be pleasurable, but are not to be abused or overused and are meant to be confined to marriage. In addition,
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
Perspective
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.38 This is the first and great commandment.39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:37-40But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come. Luke 14:20
The latter verse illustrates how a man can lose sight of perspective. Those who have excuses will be forbidden to partake of the marriage supper of the Lord. A man's first priority must always be to the Lord Himself. But among all other people on earth, a man's first priority is to his wife. Abraham presents a good example of this, in his relationship to Sarah.
And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. Genesis 16:2And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. Genesis 21:12
In the time period between Genesis 16:2 and Genesis 21:12, both Sarah and Abraham had learned some things. They were now more spiritually mature. In Genesis 16, their names were Sarai and Abram; in Genesis 21:12, they had been renamed Sarah and Abraham. Abraham had learned not to accept, superficially, anything that his wife told him, without first hearing from the Lord. So it is today. A husband should listen carefully and joyfully to anything that his wife has to say concerning situations that require a decision. But the husband should never abdicate his position as head of the family (Ephesians 5:23). The husband MUST take EVERYTHING of any consequence to the Lord and hear what the Lord says for them to do. As with anything else, we are expected to exercise common sense and not go overboard. For example, we do not believe that the Lord cares whether we put mayonnaise or mustard on the bread first when making a sandwich!
Sarah had also learned some things over time. She had acquired more wisdom from the Lord. We also believe that Sarah had come to realize her "mistake" in pushing Hagar onto Abraham, with the resulting offspring of Ishmael. That which she originally desired (which resulted in Ishmael), she now could not accept. So Sarah said, "cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac" (Genesis 21:10). It is more than possible that Sarah had received a revelation from the Lord, for the Lord told Abraham to hearken to Sarah his wife in that situation.
Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it. John 2:5
This is a cornerstone of Christianity! We MUST hear the voice of the Lord for ourselves and then act upon that word, by faith.
Another tremendous example of perspective is provided by the life and loves of Jacob. Scripture is quite clear that Jacob, just like Abraham, learned about the ways of the Lord through experience ... the hard way. We will only touch on a few high points in the life and loves of Jacob, but there is MUCH for us to learn through his life. (The lives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob are RICH in object lessons for all Christians to profit by. This is the topic of Volume 2 in our series of The Unfolding.)
Jacob married the two daughters of Laban, Leah and Rachel. Leah was tender eyed, but Rachel was beautiful and well favored. Leah means weary or tired; Rachel comes from an unused root meaning to journey. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah (Genesis 29:30). The seven additional years that Jacob served for Rachel "seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her" (Genesis 29:20). "When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, He opened her womb: but Rachel was barren" (Genesis 29:31). Undoubtedly Leah and Rachel were in definite competition with each other for Jacob's love. Leah probably envied her sister Rachel's beauty and favor with Jacob. Rachel envied the ability of Leah to have children with Jacob. Jacob, himself, still had a lot to learn. When Rachel complained to Jacob and told him to "give me children, or else I die" (Genesis 30:1), Jacob became angry with Rachel and responded that it was God's fault, not his, that Rachel did not have children. That, of course, was not correct. Rachel was barren because God wanted to work something within Jacob; for example, God is no respecter of persons, but Jacob had shown immense partiality toward Rachel. Further, we find NO scripture that says that Jacob intreated the Lord on behalf of his wife, Rachel, so that she might have children. Apparently, Jacob had not learned from his father, Isaac, who DID pray for his wife, Rebekah, who was barren, and which resulted in Jacob's existence!
Rachel tried TWO substitutes ... both the work of the flesh. Neither substitute worked because God would not allow it. First, Rachel gave her handmaid, Bilhah, to Jacob to raise up children (in the same spirit that Sarai gave Hagar to Abram, resulting in Ishmael). Well Jacob in fact did sire two sons with Bilhah, but that really did not satisfy Rachel.
Secondly, there came a day when Reuben, Jacob's first born (through Leah), went out and found mandrakes in the field (Genesis 30:14) and brought them to his mother Leah. When Rachel saw the mandrakes, she made a trade with Leah. In exchange for the mandrakes, Rachel told Leah that she could lie with Jacob that night. (Evidently, conjugal "rights" were normally reserved for Rachel.) A mandrake is a Mediterranean herb ... formerly used to promote conception. Of course, Rachel was desperate for children by this time, so she was eager to try anything. Well, if the dates recorded in my bible are correct, the mandrakes did not work either. Rachel was still barren for another three years after trying to get pregnant by using the mandrakes. (The Arabic interpretation for the word translated as mandrakes is "apples of satan." The enemy tempts us by focusing our attention on works of the flesh.) We think that Rachel probably finally "let go and let God." Three years later, after Rachel stopped her fleshly attempts, God remembered Rachel and she conceived and bare Joseph.
About six years later, the Lord told Jacob to leave the land of Laban and to return unto the land of his kindred, his father Isaac and his brother Esau, in Canaan (Genesis 31:13). So Jacob, in obedience to God, started his journey. After Jacob arrived in Canaan, his journey was not over. He pitched his tent in Succoth and later in Shechem. In Genesis 32 we read of how Jacob wrestled with a "Man" at Bethel, and the Lord changed Jacob's name to Israel. Jacob then journeyed on toward Ephrath (Bethlehem). Before they got to Ephrath, Rachel had her second son, Benjamin, but she died during childbirth.
18 And it came to pass, as her [Rachel's] soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.19 And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.
Genesis 35:18-19
Benoni means "the son of my sorrow"; Benjamin means "the son of my right hand." The "right hand" in scripture refers to a place of honor. The "left hand" usually refers to some work of the flesh. (More on this in another article.)
Then shall the King say unto them on His right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: Matthew 25:34So Jacob honored his wife, Rachel, one last time by naming their son Benjamin, the son of his right hand. Jacob recognized Rachel as being his right hand, his help meet for him, given to him by the Lord. Jacob fulfilled the spirit of the word later to be written through Peter to "give honor to his wife" (1 Peter 3:7).
Rachel apparently never saw the ways of God ... she only saw His acts ... and she could only see the sorrow in her life. She also never arrived at the final destination. But by this time, Jacob (now Israel), began to understand the ways of God. He had learned what God was after. Perhaps the most striking illustration of Jacob coming to maturity is what Jacob did after Rachel died.
20 And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar or Rachel's grave unto this day.21 And Israel JOURNEYED, ... Genesis 35:20-21
Jacob had always loved Rachel VERY DEEPLY, from the time that he first saw her. She was the love of his life! But when Rachel died, there is NO mention in scripture that Jacob cried or mourned for Rachel. Instead, Israel (NOT Jacob) JOURNEYED ON, in obedience to the Lord! Jacob had learned perspective in his life.
But the Lord was not through with Israel. Scripture is quiet concerning what happened to the relationship of Israel and Leah after Rachel died. Jacob died about 40 years after Rachel died. We know that Leah died before Jacob died but after Rachel died. Just before his death, Israel prophesied over his sons and gave instructions for his burial. Israel told his sons to bury him in the family burying place of Machpelah. Israel said,
There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah. Genesis 49:31
What a message! What an object lesson! Israel had buried Leah in the place where he wanted to be buried. Israel did NOT ask to be buried along side of Rachel! Only a JACOB would have asked to be buried with Rachel! Israel had learned of the sovereignty of God! He had finally seen that he was to love and honor Leah just as much as Rachel. Perhaps because he looked back on his life and saw that he had NOT loved Leah the way that he should have, he greatly honored Leah by being buried with HER, not Rachel. Israel had learned the TRUTH of a word to be spoken some 375 years later to Boaz,
The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel ... Ruth 4:11
Israel (not Jacob) finally saw the importance of BOTH Rachel and Leah in his life. He had learned to trust in the Lord in ALL things! He recognized and accepted the sovereignty of God. He had learned perspective!
Chapter 5: The Simplicity of Implementation
But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.
2 Corinthians 11:3But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, ... Galatians 5:22
Make no mistake! NO MAN truly can love his wife as Christ loved the church UNLESS he first appropriates that unselfish agape love of God in his heart. It is God's work within us, not by our own efforts! Oh, man's natural, fleshly attempts to love his wife may LOOK the same outwardly (for a season), but sooner or later that kind of love MUST break down. God will not allow any fleshly approach to fulfill His kingdom purposes. Love is the first fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22. In addition, love (translated charity in the King James' version) in 1 Corinthians 13 is said to be greater than faith or hope. It is very important to understand that love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit, NOT the fruit of our own efforts!
It seems to us that there are several keys for a man to appropriate this agape love for his wife:
(1) vision ... see the need for the man to love himself(2) ask the Lord to set him free to love himself(3) see a NEED for a man to love his wife as Christ loved the church(4) ask the Lord to make His agape love for his wife real within his life(5) hear what the Lord specifically says to the man as to how to bring about that love(6) be obedient to whatever the Lord tells you(7) accept by faith that the Holy Spirit is indeed working within you His agape love, UNTIL(8) the word becomes flesh within us.
The man first of all must see the need to love himself. Not all people love themselves. Some believe they are too tall or too short; too fat or too thin; their nose is too big; their ears stick out too much; their feet are too big; they are too shy; not very attractive; and any of a myriad of other things. Such thoughts are really an insult to God! There are no accidents, no chance events, no coincidences, no such thing as "luck" in the house of God. God made us all to be unique. God did NOT make ANY mistakes when he created you. And He did not make any mistakes in allowing the events of your life to be unfolded. He made you just the way you are for His own special plan and purpose and for His own pleasure. You CANNOT improve upon whatever God does. His way is PERFECT! If God loves you just the way He made you, who are you to complain? How do you improve upon perfection? You are SPECIAL in God's sight!
As for God, His way is perfect ... 2 Samuel 22:31He hath made every thing beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastes 3:11
But, you may say, you don't know all of the things which I have suffered ... you don't know how people have rejected me, treated me badly, etc. You don't know about all of my wounds. You don't know about how I lost my job, or got sick, or how my business went under. You don't know that I was a victim of incest or rape. No, I don't know any of those things. But God DOES know! Perhaps the most powerful word ... the most anointed word ... I have ever heard in my life through a HUMAN vessel occurred on November 22, 1998. My wife and I and our son visited a charismatic church in the Washington, DC area on that Sunday morning. It was the first time we had ever been to that particular fellowship. They just "happened" to have a guest speaker that morning. His name and ministry is not important to this word. But what he had to share that morning is VERY pertinent to this word. In essence he gave a very powerful, very anointed word of challenge and exhortation to the body of Christ gathered there that day. The word was that it is time for Christians to stop their complaining, get their thumb out of their mouth, stop running from church to church, from pastor to pastor, looking for help (sympathy, or pity) for their wounds. Instead it is time for Christians everywhere to stop being the wounded, put the past behind us, do not let the past define us, and to become "wounded healers." This requires NO special dispensation. It is simply an act of my will. I can simply choose to stop being the wounded and become a wounded healer. (end of his word) Of course, Jesus is the ultimate example of THE wounded Healer! It is pertinent to note that in the 40 days that Jesus walked this earth after the resurrection and before His ascension, NOT ONCE did Jesus ever mention what happened to Him at Calvary! It must be the same with us. The first step toward appropriating God's agape love then is that I need to love myself just the way God made me and to accept all of the events that God has allowed to come into my life. I need to understand God's ways ... not just His acts. For until the man (husband) loves HIMSELF, he CANNOT love his wife as Christ loved the church.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. Ephesians 5:28-29
After a man can love himself as God loves him, a man needs to see the NEED to love his wife, even as Christ loved the church. At this point, our motivation or attitude is CRITICAL. If my motivation is simply to get something for myself, then I do not yet understand the Christian walk. One good reason for a man loving his wife as Christ loves the church is because it is a COMMANDMENT. But this can gender a legalistic approach. The higher level motivation is to glorify God ... to bring Him glory in everything we are, say, or do.
Then we need to ask the Lord to work His love within us by His Spirit so that we might indeed love our wives as He loves the church. Ask the Lord to fan the flame of desire in your heart ... a desire to please the Lord in all things. For we were created for HIS pleasure! At that point we have to be obedient to those things that the Lord shows us, and then accept by faith the inwrought work of God.
After my grandmother went home to be with the Lord, about 28 years ago, I read one of her many words of wisdom that she had written in one of her bibles. She prayed, "Lord, let me create hunger in their hearts, for until they hunger, they cannot be fed." In general, no person desires to eat natural food unless they are hungry. Likewise in the realm of the spirit, until we see a need for something or someone in our lives, we tend NOT to seek after that something or someone.
After vision comes HEARING. This order, vision first, followed by hearing, is scriptural as well as natural. We SEE lightning before we hear the thunder that accompanies it. The speed of light is far greater than the speed of sound. Plus, in EVERY verse in the bible (except one, which we will not take the time now to explain), vision ALWAYS precedes hearing; e.g.,
Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him. 1 Corinthians 1:9Once we hear the word of the Lord, we need to be obedient and act upon that word by faith. For "without faith it is impossible to please Him ..." (Hebrews 11:6).We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn and the day star arise in your hearts: 2 Peter 1:19
The word of God must become flesh within us. The day star must arise in our hearts. The key word in 2 Peter 1:19 is the word "until." Too many Christians are simply taking heed, taking heed, and taking heed ... going around the same mountain over and over, never seeing God's purpose in His dealings with us, never understanding His ways. That is Judaism ... or legalism. But what God is after is "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Colossians 1:27).
Chapter 6: The Effects of Implementation
What happens as a result of a man allowing the Holy Spirit to work within him the same love of his wife as the love of Christ for the church? First of all this is well pleasing to the Lord and gives the glory to Him. This should be our primary motivation in all things ... to glorify God.
But there are direct and indirect benefits and blessings to the man, his wife, any children, other believers, and even to non-believers. Please note, however, if my motivation is simply to receive the benefits and blessings, then NONE of the following applies! The Lord knows our hearts. But if a man is rightly related to the Lord and to his wife, then
But there are direct and indirect benefits and blessings to the man, his wife, any children, other believers, and even to non-believers. Please note, however, if my motivation is simply to receive the benefits and blessings, then NONE of the following applies! The Lord knows our hearts. But if a man is rightly related to the Lord and to his wife, then
1 Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways.2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.5 The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see all the days of thy life.6 Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. Psalms 128
Note the benefits and blessings to the man himself as stated in Psalms 128:1,2,4-6 above. A few may say that the results in Psalm 128 apply to a man that FEARS the Lord, which is the word used in Psalm 128:1 and 4. However, we believe that if a man loves the Lord with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loves his wife as Christ loves the church, then that INCLUDES fearing the Lord. So we believe Psalm 128 is VERY much appropriate to our topic. Note that the man is blessed by the Lord, is promised a long and prosperous life, to include seeing his grandchildren, and will experience the peace of God.
When a man loves his wife as Christ loves the church, his wife KNOWS that love is genuine. The RESULT of a man loving his wife as Christ loved the church is that the wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house (Psalms 128:3). And she will experience the SAME peace, long life, and prosperity that the man does.
This love also provides a blessing and becomes a very powerful example to any children in the family. Children have a remarkable facility of detecting the genuine from the make-believe. Note that Psalms 128:3 says that "thy children [shall be] like olive plants round about thy table." The olive tree was among the most abundant and characteristic vegetation of Judea. An olive leaf, the foliage of an olive tree, is the earliest that is mentioned by name, when the waters of the flood began to retire (Genesis 8:11). With David, the olive tree is the emblem of prosperity and Divine blessing; e.g.
But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God: I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever. Psalm 52:8
Finally, with the later prophets, the olive tree is a symbol of beauty, luxuriance, and strength; e.g.,
His branches shall spread, and his beauty shall be as the olive tree, and his smell as Lebanon. Hosea 14:6
The man also becomes a tremendous example that the Lord will use to affect other people. A Christian man's genuine love for his wife becomes an inspiration to other Christian men. Such a man becomes an example to FOLLOW!
For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.
John 13:15
The context of the above verse is when Jesus washed the feet of the twelve. But to reduce that act to a legalistic ritual of washing natural feet totally misses the mark. We will expound on this in great detail in another article.
This spake He, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He saith unto him, Follow me. John 21:19Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us. 2 Thessalonians 3:9
Finally, the world of non-believers is STARVING to see real love. We are long past the stage when we can use WORDS to persuade non-believers to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. Non-believers want to see the fruit of the Spirit (even though they know not from whence that fruit comes).
Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 1 Timothy 4:12
(New American Standard translation)
By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another.
John 13:35
We must note one final, but VERY IMPORTANT effect of implementation of a man loving his wife as Christ loves the church. Many years ago I heard a good brother say that we need to be careful when we ask the Lord to make us an overcomer. He will give us something in that area to overcome! As the Lord is in the process of making the day star to arise in our hearts in a particular area, we will be TESTED! If you enroll in one of the computer-related courses that I teach at a small university in Arlington, Virginia, you will have to take at least two tests for me to determine your knowledge of the particular subject matter. So it is also in the realm of the Spirit. Be very sure that the Lord will bring about circumstances in your life which will test your new, deep love for your wife. The Lord knows how to tailor-make these testings just for each specific man. Expect such testings and ask the Lord to help you when they come. The end of the matter is better than the beginning!
Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.
1 Corinthians 3:13Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you ... 1 Peter 4:12
Chapter 7: In Summary
But if any man love God, the same is known of him. 1 Corinthians 8:335 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?37 Nay in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35, 37-39
The above verses in Romans 8 constitute a rather lengthy list of what CANNOT separate us from the love of God. But there is ONE thing missing from that list! MYSELF! Nothing and no one can separate me from the love of God, EXCEPT FOR MYSELF! God created us to have free will ... we are allowed to make choices. When we were apprehended by the Lord and translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His dear Son, we did so by a free choice of our will. We said, either explicitly or implicitly (because God knows our heart), Lord Jesus, I accept you as my Lord and Savior. Now AFTER we received Christ into our hearts in the seed form of the Holy Spirit, the Lord did NOT take away our free will. We STILL can and do make choices because God has never taken away our free will ... our ability to make choices.
Now we do not believe that if a believer chooses to divorce his wife that he will "lose" his salvation. But a Christian man should carefully consider the possible consequences if he totally rejects a gift of God to him ... his wife ... or any other gift of God.
We all make choices or decisions EVERY day. Some of these choices or decisions are very trivial and inconsequential, such as what should I eat for breakfast today (if anything) or what clothes I should wear today. Other choices we must make, sooner or later, are not nearly so trivial, such as which woman, if any, should I marry or what job should I accept. These types of decisions make it IMPERATIVE that we ask the Lord what is His will for us. Jesus said,
O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me: nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou wilt. Matthew 26:39
If Jesus Himself earnestly prayed for His Father's will to be done in His life, can we do anything less? In order for a man to love his wife as Christ loves the church, he must make a decision. That decision is whether or not the man DESIRES to love his wife as Christ loves the Church.
We have tried, in these few short pages, to emphasize the love of God for the world, the love of Christ for the church, and the corresponding love that a man should have for his wife. Our purpose in writing this book has been first and foremost because we believe the Lord said to do it. That alone is sufficient reason to say or do anything. But we have some understanding of WHY the Lord told us to write this booklet. First, as previously stated, we believe that far too many Christian men do not know how to love their wives as Christ loved the church or why they should. And anyone who has read all of this book should, hopefully, agree that we men really don't fully understand how to love our wives as Christ loved the church. So it seems to us that the Lord perhaps wants to use this book to expand the VISION of one or more men. And if only ONE man is touched by the Spirit of God, then our time and effort will have been well spent. In addition, we hope that this book will also provide some meat not only for husbands but also for all that read it.
A word of caution is in order! What we have presented should NOT be interpreted as a "cookbook" approach to a man loving his wife as Christ loved the church. Too many Christians today are looking for some "magic formula" or 1-2-3 steps to follow to perk up their marriage. Such an approach is always doomed to failure!
Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit saith the Lord. Zechariah 4:6
We only hope that this book will be used by the Lord to increase your hunger after Him and His ways, particularly as they pertain to a husband and wife and the love that a husband should have for his wife. We find it difficult to improve upon my grandmother's prayer: "Lord let me create hunger in their hearts, for until they hunger they cannot be fed." Reading this book will NOT bring forth within a husband that love for his wife that Christ has for the church. But earnestly seeking the Lord WILL bring about that love!
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Matthew 5:6
May God help us all to heed His commandment and fulfill it, by His Spirit, and may we earnestly seek the Lord to make His word become flesh:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it ... Ephesians 5:25
Appendix 1: My Personal Testimony
Some may ask me what right do I have to write about this particular topic? My answer is "NONE!" I have NO right to write about this topic (or any other topic for that matter). But the Lord has EVERY right to use me as He sees fit! For almost 40 years of marriage, 31 of which I had known the Lord (or rather had been apprehended by the Lord), my experience of loving my wife as Christ loves the church was, in hindsight, strictly a word which I could agree with in my mind. But that word was not made flesh within me ... the day star had not arisen in my heart in that specific area. Oh, I was never a "bad" husband during that time period. After the Lord apprehended me, in 1967, I never "did" anything that people would consider "morally bad." But about two years ago (specifically November 22, 1998) I heard the most powerful, most anointed word I have ever heard through a human vessel. I previously referenced the general content of that word, namely "wounded healers," in Chapter 5. After hearing that word in person, I purchased two copies of a video tape of that same service. I have probably watched that video of the message "wounded healers" about 10 times in the past 18 months. Each and EVERY time I have watched that video, I have ALWAYS cried. The speaker that day said that he did not know when he had EVER felt so anointed. I agree with him! The speaker also said that that morning was a "watershed" moment in the lives of some people who were present. He also said that "God is putting the knife to the heart." His message that day was a word of prophecy to me. Hindsight, I believe that the Lord used that word in my life to set me free to love myself ... to see myself as Christ sees me ... to lay aside once and forever all of the many wounds and hurts that I have experienced over the years of my life (none of which are profitable to even mention) ... and to refuse to allow the past to define me. Prior to that Sunday morning on November 22, 1998, I THOUGHT that I was free of all past wounds and hurts. But the Lord knew better and the Lord is always in the business of doing a deeper work in our lives ... of "putting the knife to the heart." How did the Lord do that? I do not know!
The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. John 3:8
The man born blind in John, Chapter 9, said, after Jesus had opened his eyes,
Whether he be a sinner or no, I know not: one thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see. John 9:25
All I know is that it was about that point in my life when the Lord gave me a very deep love for my wife ... a love that I cannot describe ... a love which I had never experienced before. Moreover, my wife KNEW something was different ... I did not have to tell her about it!
I believe that at about the SAME time the Lord gave me a very deep compassion for other people ... again at a level that I had never experienced. That compassion will be the topic of another article in Volume 2 of this series of "The Unfolding."
Therefore, I am very grateful and thankful to the Lord for working these two characteristics of His nature within me ... compassion and love for my wife as Christ loves the church, although I would never be so presumptuous as to say that the Lord is through with me in either of those two areas! I am somewhat sorry to say that it seems like I NEVER asked the Lord to work these two characteristics within me! It just seems to me to have been a sovereign work of God in my life. What amazing grace! Perhaps partly because of my personal experience, just described, I have felt very strongly led to write this book. I accept by faith that the Lord wants to use this book to stir up at least one more Christian man to allow the Lord to work these two graces into his life at a deeper level. I am POSITIVE that the Lord wants to challenge His people to "be all that you can be" in HIS army! Will you accept His challenge?
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